The girl I fell in love with
by tears will fall
Summary: contest entry for onefrighteninglittlemonster123... one shot plz dont steal the plot.


**Hey people**

**This is my contest entry for onefrighteninglittlemonster123.**

**Enjoy(:**

**And tell me what you think of it????**

I was sitting on the bench just waiting for Bella to arrive, oh God Bella would you just hurry up. I have been friends with Bella since we could talk and I understand that she has her own social life not to mention her own boyfriend, but why do I always have to be the outsider in her relationship. Could I still call it that? Yes sure we talked but it was never extensive like we used to. It was so different these days, Bella has completely changed, it's like I do not exist anymore and when I do I feel like she uses me. Just the other day she met me at my locker and was looking around, I don't know why but maybe because she doesn't want to be seen with me a social outcast who enjoys reading instead of getting high at parties.

_**I'm sick of what we'll never be ...again**_

******************************************************************

_I heard a knock on my locker turned around and saw it was the girl I fell in love with in year seven. I stumbled a little and then all my books came crashing down, 'great going jerk' my mind whispered. I was picking all my books up when I saw Bella glance at me, yet she didn't even help me pick up my books. That girl has really changed I thought, usually she would give a helping hand no matter what. 'Edward, don't judge her' my mind kept telling me, but how could I not, she was just plain ignorant. I will let her win either way, it's just how I am my mother has raised me a gentlemen._

_**I'm sick of you, I'm sick of me**_

_I saw her eyes flicker behind her like she paranoid or something. At that point I knew not to ask what was wrong because I knew she was just worried about her social status._

"_Uhh, hey Edward... I was just wondering if you could help me with my calculus homework" she asked quietly._

_Was she afraid someone was hiding and caught her in the act? Oh massive headlines 'Bella speaking to Edward the loser'. I sighed when would things ever get better between the two of us and I truly did not yearn to loose her._

"_Sure, when" I muttered a little too angrily._

_Hopefully she did not detect the infuriated tone I produced._

"_Umm, yours four o'clock tomorrow" _

"_Okay" _

"_Well bye Edward" she blurted out and then ran._

_I can comprehend why she would run, fear of being noticed with me. I slammed the locker door harder than I should have. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Emmett running up to me._

"_Hey, man why so down" Emmett asked genuinely and how could I deny him. He has been the only one that has stuck up for me and I can truly call him my best friend._

"_It's just Bella, I feel like she's using me all the time but I can never say no to her" I groaned._

"_Emmett, why can't I just be strong for once in my life I let everyone treat me like dirt, I mean if it wasn't for you I would probably be elsewhere" I grunted_

"_Edward, the only thing I can say is it's because you truly love her and love ain't easy. I just hope everything gets better"_

"_I hope so Emmet, I really hope so"_

_**I'm tired of playing the same old games ...again**_

I jumped off the wall and you know why because I'm sick of being treated like smut. Sometimes I really don't know why I even waste my time on someone who doesn't even care, but then I would feel guilty because what if she was waiting for me and I was being so selfish about my feelings. It's just that I cannot take this any longer; I sincerely do not know how much more of this I can take. It hurts way too much for my own wellbeing. If only that girl knew the sacrifices I made for her, but she is just to busy in her own bubble to even notice who I am.

_**I'm tired of feelings, I'm tired of pain**_

Then when I think about what if I just ended the friendship so I don't get impaired in a harmful way it all leads me back to the past. The two of us were like peanut butter and jelly, though somehow she just drifted away and I could not even prevent it. I lied to myself saying she was never going to leave me.

_**I'm sick of remembering all we've been through**_

"_Edward I wanna make a promise with you" I gazed into her brown, carefree orbs._

"_Anything Bells" I reassured her._

"_Pinky swear that we'll always be best friends no matter what" she blushed and stared at the luscious, green grass._

"_Bella, look at me please I promise no matter what that we'll always be best friends. Don't be shy nothing is gonna break us apart, I promise" I grinned._

**  
**_**I'm tired of problems with no solutions**_

_**  
I'm tired of stories with no conclusions.**_

Well obviously all that has transformed, on Bella's account she broke her promise. It was so disparate when we were younger and I was much more confident in my credence. However these days everything has shattered, I wouldn't self harm myself because that is just obtuse to eradicate yourself because you're not pleased with life. I wouldn't do it because I am an only child and my dear mother Esme would be broken as would my father Carlise.

They are the best parents I can ask for; they are both filled with love and provide me with everything I need. They are there for me in my times of need and they always support me with anything and everything I do. I love my mother Esme too greatly to leave her in pain; she is an angelical mother who is vivacious, yet down to earth. I mean what kind of teenage guy would talk to their mother about girl problems, I for one do so and Esme gives me a great deal of advice and is extremely protective in a motherly way and for that I thank her. Otherwise I think I would do something dim-witted like getting high or drunk just to escape the vivid memories.

In saying this I do miss the old Bella deeply, the one I could express myself so freely to. I could have deep, meaningful and serious conversations without fear of judgment. On the contrary I could still laugh and joke with her because we were so carefree and young at heart. Until recently I used to give an excuse after excuse for Bella's crude and unlawful actions, but I just can't I have been cut too deep and I fear it will be too difficult to repair.

_**You used to be my reason to breath, love blinded all the lies**_

Contemporarily, I noticed Bella's vulgar actions, the way she walks and talks around her friends is completely immodest and uncalled for. She cavorts around in low-cut clothing that I believe is supposed to be seductive, yet far from it if anything its disgusting and immoral.

_**Why couldn't I see what was underneath?**_

I have come to the conclusion that I cannot just walk away from Bella's life because I still believe in her as impractical as it sounds I beyond doubt agree that she can alter her improper habits. I do feel immensely alone, but I have a tiny bit of faith that something will turn Bella's life around or I at least hope so. I would never run out of her life for one reason, I love her and there is no point in refuting that; I Edward Cullen am incredibly and irrevocably in love with Bella Swan. Sometimes I feel so unaccompanied on this place called earth, but then I remember the past and realise it is me who can change the world into a better place and that is why I can't live with the goodbyes.

When everything falls apart, I grasp onto the loving memories I have of Bella Swan because deep, down I know that true girl and I am proud that I met her. From the very beginning that I met Bella she was different from the rest, she did not care what others thought and always stood her ground and fought the battle in winning justice. I remember that strong and stubborn girl who could achieve whatever she wanted. It wasn't only that she was intelligent, funny but most of all had the heart of an angel and that is the trait I miss the most.

I honestly can say that I did try my best in remaining a loyal friend to her. Whatever she wanted I would not give up until I found the happiness to her heart. I always waited for and supported her in everything she did. Even though she broke that promise I was determined to persevere this and in everything I gave up many opportunities just to be by her side. She may not see it because I am like a spectator at a baseball game; they support, but are never part of the game. I ignored many opportunities just so I could be with her and watch her, even if she was never doing the same for me and one day I desire for her to appreciate everything I have done for her.

_**I gave all I have to give,**_

Every time I wish like giving up hope and just loosing it I mentally see her beautiful, virtuous face and that is what keeps me living, because I now realise a life without her would not be called life. It is through the challenges we learn and uphold our strength. I anticipate for the day that she apprehends who is waiting on the other side of the wall. ****

I need you in my life to live ...again


End file.
